It’s a made up long weekend in Canada. Let’s celebrate with Canadian hotness icon Emmanuelle Chriqui.

Since EA Sports is sent us a copy of NCAA Football 10 to review, we thought we would take a refresher course in video game football etiquette. I know this is for Madden 10 but just substitute the Florida Gators for the Pats and it’ll work out. (Awesomely)

Speaking of etiquette, I don’t think it’s good form to be tasked with selling a soccer team and try to sell it on eBay. Even if it’s only in Britain’s League One. (BBC)

And keeping with etiquette, L.A. Lakers coach Phil Jackson is a stickler for it, especially during games. Just ask movie star Jonah Hill. (LA Times)

After the jump, it’s hard in the press for a pimp, news from the rink, and Raw is Shaq highlights.

It’s a tough economy out there. You know it’s really bad when a newspaper reporter, who didn’t get paid much before the economy went to hell, takes a second job… As a pimp. (Deadspin)

Good news: Seinfeld is coming back. Kinda, sorta. (The Live Feed)

If I recall correctly, I said the same thing earlier on Friday. Keep Doc. Trade JP. (Yahoo Sports)

The final Top Gear episode of the season is on today at 8:00 PM GMT. This means that we’re going to be without good TV until at least September. (Top Gear)

And speaking of car culture, Lotus designed a small city car. As scary as it sounds that the purveyor of all that is small, inexpensive performance is making a cheap city runabout, they aren’t building it… yet. (Top Gear: Foreman)

The Pocono Raceway is building a massive solar farm to help cut down on their energy expenses. I have a better way of doing that: Cut your 500 mile snooze fests to no more than 400 miles. We might get the race done in less than four hours for once. (NY Times)

Not all race track news is good news. Lowe’s Motor Speedway will be rechristened Charlotte Motor Speedway… like it was back in the day. (Sports Business Journal)

It’s a sad day in the hockey blogosphere. Islanders Point Blank, the only place I voluntarily read Isles news, may be shutting down because the Islanders are pulling the plug. (From The Rink)

Chicago has been a relative train wreck this off-season. First, they made a mess of qualifying offers to their RFAs. Then they “reassign” their GM. Then their former star rips the team’s president. And now the NHL is investigating them for trying to dodge the salary cap. (Mouthpiece Sports)

Today’s photo gallery brings us back to the rink. No we’re not looking at those European hockey jerseys with all those dumb ads on them. We’re looking at some of the greatest mask designs of yesteryear. (Sports Illustrated)

By the way, did you know that you can read a random blog post that we’ve done? I think it’s really neat, especially when you come up with classics like “Velociraptor Awareness Day.” Click here to read a random post.

After spending a week with just Jackie, you get me again! No! Don’t run away! Damn…

Anyway, here’s Diora Baird who seems to be well on her way to world domination. Not that I’m complaining at all.

It’s that time of year again. Time to vote for the Deadspin Hall of Fame Class of 2009. I like Barkley, Starbury, and Dong. No, wait. (Deadspin)

What do you do if you aren’t happy with the team that drafted you? You sit out and re-enter the draft. Suddenly, Eric Lindros doesn’t seem so bad (except for holding out on my hometown Soo Greyhounds). (Sports Illustrated)

Division I-AA (or FCS, for the technical types) powerhouse Appalachian State has lost their quarterback for their training camp after he ran over his foot with a lawnmower. As a Michigan fan, I think this is karma. Better late than never. (AppFan)

After the jump, lots of sports news, failed VW ad attempts, and… CIS news? It really was a slow week.

Do you know who has the most expensive beer in baseball? Hint: It’s not the Jays, though I think that has more to do with exchange rates. (Steady Burn)

Brooks of SbB got an invite to Derek Jeter’s private suite at the new Yankee Stadium. No surprise that Minka Kelly was there but Bill O’Reilly? Really? (SportsByBrooks)

This hasn’t exactly been a secret. In fact, CIS media folks (like myself) have known about this for a while. Simon Fraser University’s basketball team will make the jump from the CIS’s Canada West conference to the NCAA’s Division II Great Northwest Athletic Conference. (Rush The Court)

Speaking of switching districts, some Ohio student-athletes and their families are facing that decision after citizens voted down additional funding from taxes for extra-curricular programs. (Columbus Dispatch)

See, I knew that Matt Millen wasn’t a total idiot when it came to drafting players. Drafting the right players was his problem. Turns out that one of his (many) prized wide receivers had a drug problem. (Detroit News)

I wouldn’t have been surprised if something like that happened at UWO’s famed Saugeen residence. They don’t call that place “The Zoo” for nothing. (Colorado Daily)

If I didn’t know better, I would swear that police officers are paid by the tazing. It’s just getting ridiculous now. (AP/ABC)

A good piece on the state of big city newspapers. (New York Times)

This week’s photo gallery might be best handled on an empty stomach. It’s a look at the weirdest animals in the world. It gets better after the first one. (Daily Telegraph)

Jeremy Clarkson and James May of Top Gear find out how hard it can be to make an advert for the new Volkswagen Scirocco Diesel.

It’s pictures like this that make me ask what Brad Pitt was thinking when he dumped Jennifer Aniston.

If Top Gear host Richard Hammond didn’t have bad luck, he would have no luck at all. Last weekend, he was involved in a minor collision at a roundabout that probably improved the look of his Morgan AeroMax. (Daily Mail)

Then again, it could have been someone from the supermarket he endorses trying to finish him off. They weren’t fond of him saying that he wasn’t interested in food on a recent episode of Top Gear. (Daily Telegraph)

The Lingerie Football League doesn’t have an All-Star team. Instead, they have an All-Fantasy team… without pictures included, sadly. (LFL)

After the jump, more Top Gear crashes, marketing failures, and the motorhome racing championship.

Keeping with the unlucky, it seems that the Chicago Blackhawks’ has run out. Between botching qualifying offers, turfing their GM, their new star missing the half the season for surgery and 20 Cent’s escapades, it’s all gone horribly wrong. (Chicago Tribune)

Who has the toughest job in all of sports? Not the Cowboys’ QB or Leafs’ goalie. It’s the marketing guy for the Phoenix Coyotes. (From The Rink)

Speaking of marketing, a look at the ten worst corporate name changes in the history of the world. (Time)

Believe it or not, divorce rates were discussed in my third-year marketing class. Now, the discussion has reached the blogosphere. If that one girl was incensed that divorce rates were high for the layman, her head would literally explode if she saw the figures for NFL players. (Deadspin)

I can’t believe that I forgot to bring up last weekend’s UFC pay-per-view in the last linkdump. Anyway, here’s a brief look at Philadelphia and Dana White more than UFC 101. (Sports Illustrated)

Keeping with sports, the 44th iteration of the First Golf Game is among the worst in history. At least he doesn’t cheat as much as Clinton. (Time)

Forbes released their list of the best colleges in America. Of course, something that lists a military college at #1 is a farce. (Forbes)

Today’s photo gallery brings us more Top Gear crashes. Top Gear Australia host Steve Pizzati had a spectacular series of rolls at Eastern Creek Raceway in an Aussie Racing Cars series race. (Daily Telegraph Australia)

Mind you, sometimes it seems that Top Gear hosts invite large crashes like the time that Hammond and James May went motorhome racing.

Here’s Blake Lively. If you get close enough to her to make small talk, the book is Chuck Hogan’s Prince of Thieves. You’re welcome.

TopGear.com’s American website was dropped by the BBC. As a parting “thanks, you bastards,” the editorial staff decided to play a prank on the whole of the internet (New York Times)

Speaking of Top Gear, host James May is up to no good. After making a plasticine garden and building a life-sized Lego house, he’s building a real-length race track recreation slot car track. (Daily Telegraph)

In case you were under a rock, Usain Bolt set another 100m world record. (Next Round) He was so unnaturally fast that somebody much smarter than me put together some graphs to show you how fast he is. (Science of Sports)

After the jump, the third coming of Brett Favre, more Mayfield family drama, and a very fast car races a very fast jet fighter plane.

I desperately wanted to avoid this but Brett Favre isn’t retiring and will make another comeback. I’ll have my thoughts on Friday but in the meantime, some far better phrased analysis of the NFL’s annual ritual. (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

The most pertinent scientific study ever conducted was conducted in Canada. Scientists at uOttawa and Carleton have determined the best way to fight off a zombie invasion. (Globe And Mail)

Rejoice car lovers. Koenigsegg has bought Saab from that hell hole that is General Motors. We can only hope that they take a V8 engine and wedge it into the 9-3. (Car Magazine)

How the hell does someone get their car stuck at the top of a drawbridge? (Journal Sentinel)

While at the Michigan International Speedway, I missed the most interesting NASCAR story of the weekend. Jeremy Mayfield got a small measure of revenge on his stepmother when he got her arrested for trespassing. (Deadspin)

GQ Magazine has finally released its interview and photo spread of Erin Andrews. Anyone expecting a deep interview or classic GQ shoot will be disappointed. (GQ)

Apparently making ice for the 2010 Winter Olympics is a very technical thing. It’s so technical that somebody felt compelled to write a feature length article about six months before the torch is lit. (New York Times)

Since I covered CIS football in the past, I’m moderately interested by this story. Western and Laval are recruiting ex-professional players to boost their championship hopes. (CIS Blog)

Today photo gallery isn’t here for the pictures as much as the captions. SI finally got somebody to write properly funny captions for its offbeat photos collection. (Sports Illustrated)

Today’s video is the world’s fastest drag race. A Bugatti Veyron races a Eurofighter over a two-mile distance.

A star of the hit British automotive TV show, Top Gear, escaped unharmed after another of the shows trademark stunts went wrong. James May was flying in a caravan being held aloft by a giant blimp-shaped balloon that formed a sort of airship. High winds pushed the airship off course and into some trees.

The stunt originally called for May to land the airship on the cricket pitch in the village of Eltisley, Cambs. Instead, high winds forced the airship about a half-mile off course, sideways into trees in a farmer’s field near the A428 highway.

It’s believed that May was racing Richard Hammond who was driving a Lamborghini. The race was supposed to end in the middle of a cricket match taking place on the pitch but May ended up getting a bit side-tracked.

May is the luckiest of the Top Gear presenters when it comes to stunts gone wrong. Richard Hammond crashed in a jet-powered dragster when it’s right-front tire exploded causing the car to spin out and roll at 288 MPH.

Last year, Jeremy Clarkson hurt his legs, hand, neck, and back when he crashed a transport (lorry) through a brick wall. Unlike Hammond’s crash, this one was on purpose. (Skip to 7:08, though more crashes start at 5:10.)

Blake Lively kicks off another link-dump because, well, isn’t that obvious?

The video of the women’s college soccer catfight has made the rounds of the sports blogosphere. I have to say, though, they impressed me with their drive and tenacity. And, as much as she scares me, if Elizabeth Lambert ever wants to give me a call… (Deadspin)

I thought to myself: What would be almost as good as a picture of Blake Lively to link to? How about Carrie Fisher and her stunt double sunbathing in their metal bikinis? (Sci Fi Wire)

Life lesson: Double check who you’re sending your emails to. For example, if you work for a business school, don’t forward your string of emails with your mistress to the whole school. (Guest of a Guest)

After the jump, tons of Top Gear, the greatest man caves, and some disgraced baseball players surface.

In the delusions of grandeur files, there was actually a victory speech written for Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin. Fortunately, everything leaks to the internet. (The Daily Beast)

Rejoice, car lovers of the world. Top Gear is back next week. (Top Gear)

The Onion Sports Network is going to be the basis of a new half-hour sitcom on Comedy Central. As good as the OSN guys are, I can’t see this ending well. (The Live Feed)

Fang’s Bites gave out awards to baseball TV broadcasters. I mention this mostly because ex-CHRW broadcaster Dan Shulman won an award. (Fang’s Bites) To think that I followed in his footsteps at Radio Western…

Speaking of baseball, Sammy Sosa has come out of hiding. He’s either got a skin condition or he’s a member of the walking dead. Who knew the juice turned you into the undead? (Midwest Sports Fans)

One last baseball note: Included on the deleted scenes of box office flop Bruno is an interview with baseball legend Pete Rose. After this, the man deserves more to be in more than the WWE Hall of Fame. (First Cuts)

A lengthy but good read about anonymous commenting on local news stories. (Metro Pulse) Don’t have to worry about that in my hometown. The local news site only does press releases.

Speaking of newspapery things, the story behind the @FakeAPStylebook Twitter account. (Wired)

Since we went to the U of WO, stories like this one are always interesting to us. If you wanted to hack the UWO email system or pull a fast one on someone, it’s ridiculously easy. (Lion’s Den University)

Today’s first photo gallery is a look at the fifteen best man caves posted online. I’m quite partial to #14 myself, though #6 wouldn’t be so bad. (Bro Bible)

Today’s second photo gallery is the fifteen funniest sports-related animated GIFs. (Jock and Balls)

I was thinking what I should toss in as the gratuitous YouTubery of the day and I decided to go back to an earlier link for inspiration. Courtesy of the BBC, here’s the Top Gear boys trying to make their own police cars on a budget.

It’s that day of the year that shows up whenever the hell it wants. It’s Friday the 13th. Good luck avoiding homicidal maniacs that will try to kill and inevitably will if you try to run away screaming. But today’s column isn’t about serial killers, though I understand that one was in the news recently. No, today’s column is about things that are wastes of time or wasting our time or somehow attached to things that waste our time. Anyway, there’s dangerous forces at work that need to be stopped. Generally it’s the usual moroninity that I cover here on The Humanoids except that I was really fired up over some of the ridiculousness of some folks over the last week. This post might have a bad title but I’d like to think that the content is good.

Anyway, the latest episode of the radio show is online. This one had something that should go away: Me talking about TV. Entertainment should be purely Jackie’s domain. However, it had a lot of Christopher Walken’s Poker Face in there which brought the show right back up. Click here to get the synopsis and download links for the radio show and Extra. Our next show is going to be another hockey edition. Don’t worry, thing’s will pick up in December. We’re trying to get a copy of DJ Hero from Activision to review for the annual Christmas gift buying guide (also known as The Lowdown’s Salute to Capitalism). There’s no way that works out the way we want it to.

Pepsi
I’ve mentioned it on Twitter but I’ll say it here again. Pepsi: We don’t need your fucking stupid contest to come up with a cheer for Team Canada. We’ve had plenty of better cheers over the years than “Eh! Oh! Canada Go!” For example, the most recent cheer that we used before your interference was “Go Canada Go!” In fact, that’s the cheer that I plan on using until someone comes up with a better one. I have no intention to use your corporate bullshit. Force this shit on your employees but not Canada as a whole. Naturally, they partnered with TSN on this. Remember it was TSN that bought the rights to The Hockey Theme and said they were doing it for the betterment of Canada. I would imagine that Pepsi was feeding everyone a similar line of bullshit about why they needed to come up with a contest to create a new Team Canada cheer. It’s too bad that Pepsi is such a capitalist company. We can’t send them off to a cheer of “Da! Da! Canada! Nyet! Nyet! Soviet!” We can still do it to the Russians though.

CFL
The Canadian Football League has found itself mired in controversy over the ongoing collective bargaining agreement negotiations with the CFLPA. One of the key points of contention is that the CFL brass wants to reduce the minimum number of Canadian starters from 7 per team to 4 per team. This comes on the heels of folks suggesting that expanding the CFL to 10 teams would mean that CFL would have to reduce the Canadian content per team so they didn’t dilute the pool of Canadian talent in the league. It seem almost hypocritical that folks are okay with having less Canucks per team but fewer Canadian starters is the worst thing that could possibly happen to football in Canada. Of course, most of the players in the CFL are Americans which makes it interesting that the CFLPA would be so willing to protect the interests of the minority at the expense of arguably more talented American players. Some folks at CFL HQ and the CFLPA are floating the idea of a strike/lockout. The NHL was a marginal league in the US before the lockout and are almost non-existant there now. Does the CFL really think that they can survive as a national league if they lose a season?

Top Gear
My favourite show in the whole world is coming back on Sunday. The famed British car show Top Gear returns for its 14th season on BBC2. Of course, I call it a car show but it’s really something more of a comedy with cars as a backdrop for the show. Even the hosts are reluctant to call it a car show (or motoring program as the Brits are want to call it). They refer to Top Gear as three old men falling over and catching fire. Amazingly, that is a good way of describing it. But I’m not writing about TG to sing its praises to the unconverted masses. No, I want to talk about the ludicrousy of viewers and regulators. TG was just admonished (again) because 50 complaints were filed over something that was considered offensive. The guys parodied a famous VW Scirocco ad while trying to create a new ad for the Scirocco. In the original, a down on his luck guy had everything against him but at least he had a Scirocco. In the parody, they still had the down on his luck guy who lost everything. This time he blew his brains out and the voiceover says “If only he had waited for the new Volkswagen Scirocco Diesel.” There was nothing real about it. The blood was clearly red paint. Hell, the original ad played just minutes before so you knew this was a parody. But some folks thought it was too intense for their children. Let’s see, they’re herding sheep for one ad and then a guy really blows his brains out? Come on. Use some common sense here people and government drones. It’s almost as bad as the time TG got in trouble for making fun of the Germans… Or agreeing with (a man that looked like) Jesus that a car was gay… Or smoking in studio… Or joking that transport drivers killed prostitutes…

Super Dave
Let’s talk about another one of my favourite TV shows of all-time. Super Dave Osborne will make his epic return to American television. This time, he finds himself with a short four-week run on Spike TV though he does have a special on Saturday night. The show is supposed to follow The Super One as he prepares for another death-defying stunt. I would assume that none of this ends well for Super, though seldom does it when his trusted stunt coordinator Fuji Hakayito is developing the stunts for Super. Yes, the promos also show the return of Fuji. No word if Mike Walden and Donald Glanz will also be appearing on the series. While I have few worries that Top Gear won’t be good, I am nearly too scared of Super losing his touch that I’m considering not watching it. Don’t get me wrong. Super has one of the funniest shticks in television history. But haven’t we seen the best of what The Super One had to offer when The Super Dave Osborne Show was on over 15 years ago. I have the new DVD and can tell you that the classic moments last the test of time. However, the question is if that same bit still be funny now. If the stunts are different from what they were back in the day, then all should be good. But do we really need to see a complete carbon copy of the rocket-powered slam dunk again? If there was a 21st century twist on a classic stunt, that would be worth watching. But how many times can Super cheat death by the skin of his teeth without it starting to get stale? Hopefully Spike hasn’t done something here that would ruin Super’s legacy. If this show flops, I say we boycott Spike. All we’d be missing are endless reruns of CSI so it’s not like it would be a loss.

Fantasy Sports
Let’s do some disclosure up front: I’m having a rough month in both my fantasy hockey pools. I’ve won one of six head to head matchups in my HockeyBuzz pool and I’m 3rd last for the month in my office pool. On the other hand, I’m 21st overall of 3400 in the Wind Tunnel fantasy racing pool for Speed Channel so I’m not entirely bitter. Anyway, I’m trying to figure out how fantasy sports leagues come to control our lives. I watch every game and every edition of Sportsnet Connected wondering not how my Detroit Red Wings did but how my fantasy players did. The fact that I have no money on my Wings but $50 invested in the office pool might have something to do with it. Anyway, I think that fantasy hockey pools are changing the way that we evaluate players. Steve Yzerman, my favourite hockey player of all-time, was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame on Monday. There’s no doubt that he was the greatest leader in hockey history and probably the best two-way forward the game has ever seen. However, for the back half of his career, you wouldn’t pick him for your fantasy hockey team. I worry that has become the basis upon which the greatness of today’s players will be determined. For example, Patrick Marleau is having a good season and he’s a good player but I don’t think he’s a Hall of Famer by any stretch. Or you look at a fantasy discount stud (for those of us in salary cap pools) like James Neal who has more points than Sidney Crosby and is proving to be the better fantasy player right now but that doesn’t mean that he’s better than Crosby. Maybe I’m stretching a bit for examples but you can just as easily think of your own. Though you have to love the irony of everyone being very concerned with hits to the head and my big concern is fantasy hockey distorting people perceptions of who actually is a good hockey player.

Google Books
I probably shouldn’t go near Google in The Humanoids. After all, Google drives us most of our traffic. Pissing them off would be a one-way ticket to the death of the blog. Then again, I managed to piss off WordPress a while ago but they started listing my articles again so I guess internet algorithms don’t hold much of a grudge. Anyway, Google’s ongoing plans for world domination are in the midst of a legal battle. They’re planning on digitizing thousands, if not millions, of books and offering them for free online. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I guess there would be more than a few people upset with this. We have publishers that won’t be getting paid for purchases, authors that won’t get any royalties from those sales, and libraries that will become even more obsolete. Actually, I’d say the only think preventing libraries from being obsolete are teachers saying that you must source information in projects/papers/reports from books. Google putting books online would just be another kick square to the testicles of the public library system. All that randominity being said, I still like having books on paper. It’s easier to read the printed word than the bright electronic text of a PDF or that electronic book thing that Amazon has. Google is doing a good job of forward thinking in most areas. This just isn’t one of them. And I’m not saying that because I’ve been working on a joke book on and off for the last four years.

Twitter
I’ve temporarily lost my faith in the Twitterverse. Okay, that’s not really being specific. The Twitterverse tends to do stupid things like spread word that Kanye is dead or trend ridiculous things. Take this Wednesday, for example. It was November 11th which is also known as Remembrance Day in Canada. It was a trending topic on Twitter along with the Americanized Veterans Day. Come 11:00 AM, though, the top trending topic was “Celebrity Perfumes.” On a day where we’re supposed to honour the sacrifices of men and women in battle to fight for our freedom people are busy talking about useless shit that celebrities hawk on unsuspecting consumers. Google Wave was also trending which shows that people were more interested in scoring fictitious invites to the latest technology fads than honouring the troops. Maybe I’m going off on a Don Cherry-esque rant about the troops but the point still stands. Twitter seems to have lost perspective on what’s important. But, then again, how important is Twitter in the first place?

Taylor Swift
Well, she finally got her revenge on Kanye. Last Saturday, she was the host and musical guest of Saturday Night Live. You would have thought that she would have taken a really big shot at Kanye over ruining her MTV VMA acceptance speech. However, the crack writing staff decided to burn the Kanye joke in a bad song off the top of the show. Taylor’s opening monologue was a song that, if it wasn’t kinda funny, would qualify for the Worst of Music on the radio show. Her/SNL’s idea of smack back at Kanye: Singing that she had security that would stop him from interrupting her again. That’s it? They couldn’t have someone dress up as Kanye and have Taylor interrupt him doing something? Interrupt him at rehab or something? Hell, they couldn’t even write a gay fish joke about Kanye? I know it’s not Taylor’s fault but couldn’t she have said something during rehearsals about how lame her revenge on Kanye was? SI’s Peter King said this week that Peyton Manning called an audible while taping the United Way spoof when he was hosting and that was among the best moments of the show. I seem to recall ex-ball player David Wells suggesting changes to a skit he was in. Maybe Taylor should have put her foot down on this. Otherwise, Zap2It says everything was good. I didn’t actually watch the show and I likely won’t watch a whole episode of SNL if it’s as good as usual. The ironic thing is that it seems as though Taylor got better shots in at Kanye at the CMAs than on SNL. Talk about proof that you lost your touch. Hell, everyone was scoring off Kanye at the CMAs. On SNL, not so much.

CNN Heroes
I saw this crawl along the ticker on Headline News while watching a bit of Robin Meade in the morning. I don’t know what qualifies one to be a CNN hero or who is eligible to be a CNN hero but I have a nominee that’s a bit off the board: Balloon Dad. Okay, the guy has a real name but who actually knows it. Okay, it’s Richard Heene and it’s important to note that the short form of Richard is Dick. How appropriate is that for him? Mind you, I’m sure other denizens of the interweb would likely have much more creative names for him. But think of the things he was willing to do so he could bring money into the home. He faked a near catastrophe in order to try and get a reality TV deal. He’s lived with a strange woman twice for US reality TV twice already. He’s going to plead guilty to some criminal charge relating to the Balloon Boy hoax just so he can satisfy America’s thirst for justice (and keep his wife from being deported back to Japan which I’m sure pisses off ex-CNN host Lou Dobbs). His ordeal gave CNN a story that made people want to watch CNN. Coverage of the Balloon Family Heene was probably the most watched thing on CNN since the 2008 election and likely the most watched thing on CNN until the 2010 midterm elections. See, not only is he a hero for unfit parents and wannabe TV stars everywhere but for CNN as well. If he isn’t worthy of recognition from the #4 US cable news channel (of 4 channels), then I don’t know who is.

I was looking for a subtly anti-Twilight title so that’s why it’s weird. And Sofia Vergara looks a lot more like a woman than the Twilight toothpicks.

Let’s kick off with a trio of Twilight links. First, it’s The War of the Worlds. By which I mean the battle between the fans of Twilight and Harry Potter in NERDMAGEDDON! (NBC Dallas-Fort Worth)

There’s a university professor that thinks that Twilight should lose that fight. She says that Twilight is setting woman back despite the fact they’re the only ones that read/watch it. (Daily Telegraph)

And for the sake of balance, here’s legendary director Kevin Smith talking about why Twilight isn’t such a bad thing. (Huffington Post)

After the jump, Thierry Henry’s new video game, Super Dave Osborne, and Top Gear insanity.

Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving. Near as I can tell, it’s a holiday about shopping, football, and food. So some smart person mashed all those together in an NFL power ranking comparing teams to food. (Bleacher Report)

Speaking of football, watch out for the six-year-old kids. They will hit you as hard as Ray Lewis. (With Leather)

Since we dedicated the early part of this linkdump to Twilight, let’s look at another movie juggernaut. High School Musical is being remade for the Chinese market. I would assume that means no nude picture scandal this time. (CBC)

I’m not sure how to best describe this column on Twitter. I will agree with the general assessment that there are a lot of twits on Twitter. (National Lampoon)

You would think that CBS News anchor Katie Couric would be a fairly straight-edge person given her job. Instead, she got shitfaced on her first night on the job and danced the night away. (Gawker)

If you need something to listen to at work today (and assuming you’ve already listened to our radio show), then you should check out Bill Simmons interview with Super Dave Osborne (The BS Report)

Or if podcasts aren’t your thing to kill time at work, then maybe you’d prefer to play a game. Here’s the new (unofficial) Thierry Henry Handball game. (Jeu de Main)

Today’s first photo gallery was so appropriately titled that I can’t improve upon with any description. It’s the seedy underbelly of sports fan art. (Deadspin)

The second photo gallery looks at what you should do if Roland Emmerich is onto something with the whole end of the world thing. It’s 12 places to go before shit hits the fan. (Business Insider)

If you haven’t watched Top Gear this week, the big challenge was the guys building an electric car. They sent the car to get reviewed by a car magazine. Here’s that review. Minor spoilers for those that haven’t seen the episode yet.

The latest viral sensation sweeping the internet is The Muppets. They’re back with a cover of the Queen classic, Bohemian Rhapsody.

Does that post title refer to Tiger Woods hitting the fire hydrant? Maybe it’s about Keith Ballard’s stick against the side of Tomas Vokoun’s head? A lot of people are springing to the top of the news very quickly this week. Whether it’s in sports or entertainment, this week’s targets were barely on the radar last week and now find themselves front and centre this week. It also sorta refers to the last second nature of me putting this together and the fact that it’s a shorter than usual column so I could get this up today.

Now for your regular (and not fondly thought of) radio show update. Editing has wrapped up on the December 8th edition of Lowdown Extra. It will be our longest ever at about 1:22:37 of podcast goodness. We haven’t looked at the radio show version but it should have talk about DJ Hero, Band Hero, Lego Rock Band, random gifts and green shopping along with the usual news, entertainment and sports. It’s going to be a long weekend sorting all that out at Lowdown HQ.

Tiger Woods
Why did Tiger Woods hit both a fire hydrant and a tree? He couldn’t decide between an iron and a wood. What’s the difference between Tiger on the golf course and Tiger on the road? Tiger can drive 300 yards on the golf course. I can finally say that I can outdrive Tiger Woods. Sadly, that’s about all I can say. He’s still richer than me and can pull better women than I can. He admitted that it was women not just Elin. So does that mean we still have to go through all this tabloid “journalism.” I don’t hate tabloids. I find some of the things entertaining at times in the same way that I find the WWE entertaining at times. The stories of Tiger’s torrid affairs were mildly amusing when it was TMZ or whoever reporting them. Now that they turned out to be true, you have to wonder what purpose that it served to tear his life apart. I don’t really care what or who Tiger did. I like to think of Tiger as the greatest golfer of all time and because of the public’s inexplicable obsession with the private lives of people they’ve heard of, I don’t think he’ll ever be thought of the same way again. In all this, Tiger’s worst crime wasn’t crashing his car or cheating on his wife. It was being revealed as human. That’s not such a bad thing when you think about it.

Saskatchewan Roughriders
This could very well have been one of the greatest Grey Cup games in the history of the CFL. It was also the strangest finish in the history of all football. Whether you’re a fan of the Riders or the Als, it was one of the most unusual and most exciting finishes of all time. Long story short, the Riders were up 14 points on Montreal at half time. The Als closed within two in the dying minutes. Their kicker misses the last second field goal but flags fly everywhere. It turned out that the Roughriders had too many men on the field and Montreal got a second chance that they converted on. Penalties are a part of the game but you have to figure that you would make sure to avoid them on the most important play of the season. Sure, one play over the other 59:59 of the game could have made this field goal a non-story but they didn’t. There’s an old cliché that I used fairly often on radio: Big players make big plays in big games. With the rumour that the 13th man was defensive star Sean Lucas, then a big player made a big play in a big game. Too bad that it was a boneheaded play in that big game.

Alex Ovechkin
Ovechkin plays the game that many folks want superstars to play it. With speed, skill and power. Jarome Iginla is a fan favourite across the NHL because he’s a great goal scorer and leader but he’ll pound a guy into oblivion to help his team. Ovi is a great scorer, not sure about his leadership skills, and he will pound guys. Unlike Crosby or Malkin, Ovi hits you hard and then his you hard again. Then difference between Ovi and Iggy is that Ovi will hit you from behind or knee you like he tried on Tim Gleason. Every time you see a knee-on-knee, you figure the guy on the receiving end will be hurt but Ovi broke the law of averages and got himself hurt. Adding insult to injury, he was suspended for two games. There’s no doubt that he should have been suspended. The NHL can’t lose sight of the fact that hits to the knee can be just as bad for a player’s long-term health as head shots and concussions. (Just ask Bobby Orr though his knee problems weren’t caused by a knee-on-knee if memory serves.) Sure, Ovi is a superstar and a ratings and money draw for the league but no one pays to see him take cheap shots at other guys. But the message being sent is a good one. If the league’s brightest star (sorry, Sid) can get suspended for doing something stupid, anyone can. That has to deter them somewhat.

Keith Ballard
If the Green Riders’ 13th man felt bad on Sunday night, it was nothing compared to how Keith Ballard felt on Tuesday night. If you haven’t seen the most replayable hockey clip of the season (since Rick Nash last touched the puck), then you missed Ballard nearly decapitate his goalie instead of break his stick on the post. On the one hand, how often do we see players act like players and show emotion instead of act like robots. It’s refreshing to see players let their emotions boil over. On the other hand, he probably could have channelled those emotions into something more productive. Instead of failing to pull of a move that is common among six-year-olds in house league, why didn’t he try playing hockey? Instead of acting pissed about Ilya Kovalchuk scoring, why didn’t he clobber Kovalchuk the next time they were on the ice together? I’m not necessarily complaining about what Ballard did. It’s likely earned hockey more publicity than the All-Star Game and the first three rounds of the playoffs. I just wish he didn’t seem so damned unprofessional doing it.

Work/Life Balance
I’ll confess, it’s something that I don’t have. It’s not because I work all the time but more because I have no life. Anyway, I think I’ve figured out why I have no life and a poor work/life balance. I’m willing to bet that a lot of readers will back me up on this. My employers preach about wanting its employees to have healthy work/life balance. However, when they pour work onto you and expect to do it virtually non-stop for 8 hours a day. Then, when the day wraps up, you have nothing left in the tank for those six or seven hours left in the day before you call it a night. And these lunatics are preaching about work/life balance? Give me a break. While I’m typing this, I’m forcing my eyes awake. Folks want to know why I wasn’t out drinking last night? It’s because I’d like to go into a coma every night so I can rest up for the next day so I can survive without jumping out a window to escape.

Top Gear
Why is that I seem to spend more time defending these guys than promoting them or praising the amazingness of Top Gear? The latest troubles that the TG Three have found themselves in is over a segment from last Sunday’s show. James May was flying a caravan held aloft by a hot air balloon while being chased on the ground by Richard Hammond. During his escapades, May’s airship drifted into the controlled airspace of an airport with airplanes buzzing all around him. At the end of the feature, he crashed the caravan airship into a farmer’s field and some trees. Some folks decided that they would let everyone in on the secret behind the skit and told the press that the two main illustrations of May’s inability to fly were faked. They also said that the flight wasn’t solo but May had an experienced pilot onboard to help him. My question is “Who the fuck cares?” Top Gear hasn’t portrayed itself as a car show for years. It’s an entertainment program that uses cars and car culture as its base. So what if some parts are exaggerated or scripted as long as its fun to watch. The last thing I want is someone trying to ruin my fun. Apparently it’s British law that everyone must find a way to ruin your fun if they have the chance.

Susan Boyle
Speaking of apparent UK TV (or tele as the Brits are wont to call it) disasters, Susan Boyle is taking over the world. The following isn’t the jealous rantings of a Paul Potts fan. Even though he’s easier on the ears than Boyle, I don’t care about him either. No, I hate all reality TV and scripted programming masquerading as reality TV and game shows masquerading as reality TV. In the latter category falls Britain’s Got Talent which is the show that launched Boyle. Even though she was only the runner up, she stunned Brits by singing well for someone so frumpy looking. Anyway, she’s since become the biggest thing to come out of one of those god forsaken reality TV shows. If it wasn’t for Tiger Woods forgetting how to drive while being chased by a pitching wedge wielding Swedish supermodel, it would have been Susan Boyle week. Her new album set a first-day sales record in the UK as well as topping the charts in the UK, the US, Canada, Ireland, Australia, and New Zealand. All that thanks to the star-making power of Simon Cowell and reality TV. Gee, it’s one more example that Jackie can add to his ongoing things that Simon Cowell is doing to ruin the music industry.

Here’s Emmanuelle Chriqui who most men would fight Mike Tyson for.

If you didn’t believe in Santa before you read this article, you certainly won’t afterwards. In fact, you may run for your life the next time you see him. Turns out that Saint Nick’s a republican. (Musings on Greenwood)

I try not to link to Maxim because it’s banned viewing at most workplaces but this was too good to pass up. They have a guide of what golf clubs to chase guys with for every occasion. (Maxim)

Of course, finding out your husband’s dream is to have an orgy with an actor and a baseball superstar is a good reason to chase him with a golf club. (Out of Bounds)

After the jump, scads of sports links, the best protest signs, and Mark Cuban’s painful Monday night.

An important lesson for everyone: Never piss off Brendan Shanahan. He will get you back. (NJ.com)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Why isn’t the NHL marketing Alex Ovechkin instead of Crosby? (DC Sports Bog)

Whatchya gonna do, brother? Whatchya gonna do what Hulkamania proposes to you? (Us Magazine)

Speaking of wrestling, Vince McMahon has world domination on his mind. I don’t think there’s anyone to stop him this time. (CNBC)

The Toronto Raptors aren’t having a spectacular season but they are still making the highlight reels. Actually, it’s Jarrett Jack’s shoelaces that are making the highlight reels. (Ball Don’t Lie)

Chad Ochocinco wants to change his name to what? (Bleacher Report)

This guy clearly isn’t a Kenny Rogers fan because he didn’t know when to fold them. (Wall Street Journal)

I really wanted to go to the University of Michigan but it’s probably a good thing that I didn’t. (Huffington Post)

Today’s first photo gallery is a look at 50 of the best signs at protests in 2009. The LTC union members may want to take note. (Buzz Feed)

Today’s second photo gallery is a look back at the wonder year that was in 2004. February might be a bit NSFW. (Deadspin)

Seeing as we have a couple of wrestling links above, why not mention that Mark Cuban was the host of Monday’s WWE Raw. It didn’t go so well but I’m sure David Stern was happy.

And just for the hell of it, here’s Top Gear’s Richard Hammond trying to make the airport experience faster by racing airport vehicles against each other… And crashing them.

Sportsnet is running day-old episodes of The Daily Line before the evening edition of Connected. The show sucks but at least it has Jenn Sterger.

My newest favourite on Twitter, Pulitzer Prize winner Buzz Bissinger, explains why he’s on Twitter and why he’s so angry. (The New Republic)

James Blake made an early exit from Wimbledon yesterday but he had some help. The ESPN sideline reporter tried her best to distract him. (Fanhouse)

Another thing Republicans will try to use against Obama: He hates the wave. (Power Line)

After the jump, some World Cup links, scads of baseball links, and a new Top Gear trailer.

One of the more interesting stories I’ve read from the World Cup: The ladies of the Miss World pageant showed up to a game between the USA and Slovenia. (Deadspin)

The story behind Ricky Rubio’s draft night last year. (Free Darko)

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now but Lady Gaga invaded the Yankees clubhouse last weekend. It didn’t go over so well. (Sports Grid)

First, HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm had a Seinfeld reunion. Now, SNY’s New York Mets baseball broadcast will have a Seinfeld reunion. (USA Today)

In another sign that baseball fans love their stats. Somebody looked at the outfield size of all the different major league ballparks. (Snippets)

Monopoly Canada is coming back with a new edition soon. And the new Boardwalk is… Some city no one outside of Southwestern Ontario would know about. (CBC)

In a it’s funny when it happens to them story, a fisherman loses out on a near million dollar prize because one of the crewmen on his boat didn’t have his license. (Deadspin)

We’ve got a video gallery for you today. It’s a look at the worst TV sports themes of all time. (Fang’s Bites)

Diving has become a real problem at the World Cup. This video proposes a strong response to divers.

Top Gear returns this Sunday and they’ve released a brand new trailer for this season based on a classic YouTube video.

Here’s Adriana Lima in a $2 million bra. She pulls off this look far better than Sue Ellen Mischke.

I hate to disappoint you but the legendary curveballs that fall off a table on the way to the plate are all optical illusions. (Wired)

Remember that camera that got shattered during Game 4 of the ALCS? I never saw a replay that showed what really happened. Fortunately, we have freeze frame to help us. (Big League Stew)

The NBA banned a shoe for enhancing player performance this week. All that did was send sales through the roof. But what made this thing so special? (Tauntr)

After the jump, Top Gear on US TV, the legend of James Hunt and Gordon Pinsent reads Bieber’s “memoirs.”

The NFL’s new helmet-to-helmet hit rules are coming in full force this weekend. The boys at Slate look at the new rules and talk about some of the hits that caused the league to crack down. (Slate) I’ve already said that the NFL can do their thing but somebody should take up the mantle of hard-hitting football league. (Lowdown Blog)

And could I talk about football without talking Dongslinger. It looks like Favre tried to get with Sterger when he went to New York to tape Joe Buck’s short-lived talk show. (Black Sports Online)

Today in legendary racing driver stories: F1 champ James Hunt slept with 33 different women in the weeks leading up to his championship triumph. (Daily Mail)

Coming soon to a History Channel near you (in the US), it’s Top Gear USA. (Top Gear)

But if proper TG is more your thing, CBS news show 60 Minutes will be running a feature story about the show on Sunday after football. (Jalopnik)

Your car has a lot of important communication devices on it (such as turn signals, should you have gotten those on your options list) but it only really needs one more thing added to it. (Gizmodo)

We’ve got scads of lists before we get to the YouTuberry. First, it’s a list of the ten best candy bars of all-time. Can’t argue with #1. (Wasted Potentialz)

We might have mentioned before that this year is the 25th anniversary of the release of the NES. To celebrate, here’s a list of the 25 best sports games for the console. (Total Pro Sports) Blades of Steel was robbed.

It seems every time we turn around, we find out about another celebrity or athlete having an affair. It was about time someone put together a list of tips for celebs so they know what to do to have a successful affair. (Ask Men)

How about I throw in a photo gallery for good measure? Here’s a collection of all the sports stars that have dropped in on The Simpsons. (Sports Illustrated)

How about a one photo gallery? It’s a case of radar-caused weather map dong. Might be the best case of drawn live TV dong ever. (Warming Glow)

In honour of the inaugural Korean Grand Prix earlier today (though I’m watching the morning replay so no spoilers), here’s a look at what it’s like to drive a F1 race car.

Liverpool was just sold to the guys that own the Boston Red Sox. Naturally, those Taiwanese CGI news folks have been at it again.

Justin Bieber has some memoirs out. They can’t be his own. He’s only 16 years old. I’m older and could write a book on my life unless it was in size 24 font. Anyway, here’s Canadian legend Gordon Pinsent reading from Bieber’s “memoirs.”

As frequent readers know, our favourite TV at The Lowdown Blog is BBC’s Top Gear. Taken at face value, it’s a show about cars and the people who drive them. Really, it’s about three middle-aged men (and a formerly anonymous racing driver) who act like school kids, drive really fast, say whatever they feel like and have a good time doing it. For whatever reason, the iconic news show 60 Minutes went over to England to profile the show and its hosts. After the jump, we have the full 60 Minutes story on Top Gear.

And here are the 60 Minutes Overtime bonus clips from this story.

There is also a video on the 60 Minutes website that looks at great Top Gear footage that didn’t make the final cut of the story. Click here to watch it.

Since I massacred yesterday’s entertainment links, how about I make it up to you with Candice Swanepoel?

The Dongslinger saga carries on. Now AJ Daulerio is fielding questions from journalism students over it. He handles himself well, though. (Sports Journalism)

The WHL isn’t what I would call “minor league” hockey but sometimes they dream up gimmicks like a standard minor league club. The Saskatoon Blades are wearing denim jacket-style jerseys for an upcoming game. (Sportress of Blogitude)

And speaking of minor league gimmicks, the KHL has a new idea to promote the league. They’re holding a contest (in conjunction with Playboy) where female fans send in swimsuit pictures and write why they love their KHL team. Makes perfect sense to me. (Puck Daddy)

After the jump, Top Gear finds a new Stig, the 100 best mustaches in sports history, and the Rent Is Too Damn High.

ESPN.com’s originally revolutionary Page 2 turned 10 yesterday. The problem is that it’s just not what it once was. (Deadspin)

The best thing to happen to NFL TV coverage hasn’t been something on the field or in the stadium. It’s Fox’s addition of former NFL head of officiating Mike Pereira to the broadcasts. (New York Times)

And speaking of the NFL, they just finished up unveiling their list of the 100 greatest players of all time. Naturally, not everyone is happy with everyone on the list and where they were. But for now, here’s the list. (Fang’s Bites)

What happens when a newspaper writer examines the problems with a very expensive, very exclusive private school’s football team? An elitist anonymous internet flame war. (Gawker)

We all know that Top Gear was without a tame racing driver after Ben Collins outed himself as the man in the white racing suit. So the Top Gear crew went to the farm to find a new one. (Top Gear)

Speaking of Top Gear, their new US version of the show will be the best car show from America when it debuts. (Jalopnik)

In this world of Twitter, Facebook and whatever the new social media fad will be, the definition of friend is changing drastically. Might I suggest we begin using this method of indexing “friends.” (New Yorker)

Microsoft’s Kinect was released this week. So does it live up to the hype (and worth the rumoured half-billion dollar marketing budget)? Apparently yes. (Kotaku)

Earlier this week, a promo for Def Jam RapStar hit the interweb starring Hulk Hogan who we thought was flashing the camera. To quiet rumours that he’s a dirty old man, he released the uncensored video which thankfully is safe for work. (Deadspin)

Just when you thought the Snuggie couldn’t get worse, someone dreamed this up. (Mom Logic)

In honour of Movember, here are the 100 best mustaches in sports history. (BroBible)

Whenever I see lists of people to follow on Twitter, it’s either the best people to follow or the hottest to follow. But now, we finally have a list that combines the two for the hottest best people to follow about sports. (It’s Always Sunny In Detroit)

And with Proposition 19 getting defeated in California and pot smoking, growing and selling still illegal, people need creative ways to get their supply. Maybe they should try one of these crazy ways to smuggle drugs. (Cracked)

Speaking of Movember, Malin Akerman proves that chicks dig the mustache. Okay, it’s not as catchy as chicks dig the long ball but it’s a charity thing.

This year’s World Series wasn’t exactly spectacular but it did have one memorable thing about it. Ozzie Guillen was covering the series for Fox which was good if you were able to understand him.

It’s the Rent Is Too Damn High Auto-Tune Song. Coming soon to a Lowdown BlogCast near you.

If you’re a fan of cars, drifting, viral videos or all of the above, you’ve probably heard of American rally driver Ken Block. To keep in practice for rally events, he found his claim to fame. That’s something called Gymkhana. In proper gymkhana, drivers drive a course that sees them spins, handbrake turns and other spectacular maneuvers. For Block, there is no course, just the spectacular moves of his gymkhana video series.

Gymkhana Practice

Gymkhana Two

Gymkhana 2.1

Gymkhana Three: Part One

Gymkhana Three: Part Two

Ken Block’s Top Gear Gymkhana

So Steve is away for the weekend, so it’s actually Jackie here writing your latest edition of the Sunday Link-Off. Since he has been nice enough to cover for my Entertainment Link-Offs while I was away, it would be nice of me to return the favour. Kicking off this entry is Vanessa Hudgens. She’s starring in the film Beastly this weekend… and from the looks of it, it’s not looking like it’ll be winning any Oscars next year.

After the jump, more Charlie Sheen moments, a flowchart to help you figure out which MLB team to root for, a new extreme form of hockey has emerged, and Canadian national anthem fail.

Charlie Sheen might be hated by all the women out there right now, but he’s established himself as a hero to men. No, it’s not because he starred in some shit show called Two and a Half Men. (Guyism)

So NFL potential draftees have to write a certain standardized test Wonderlic Cognitive Ability Test in order to boost their chances of making it to the big leagues on draft day. While there are those who fail the test epically, there are those that also pass it with flying colours. Take Ryan Fitzpatrick of Buffalo Bills for example. He nearly aced the damn thing and is now providing some helpful advice to future test takers. (GQ)

With the baseball season just around the corner, it’s a good time for newbie fans to pick up the sport. Wondering which team you should root for? Perhaps this flowchart will give you a better idea. (Interpretation by Design)

Twitter is now a more ad friendly social networking site than Google or Facebook. Perhaps this will be a better spot to promote The Lowdown swag… (Wall Street Journal)

For those looking for a new extreme sport, this one is for you. If regular ice hockey isn’t enough, ever consider something like… underwater ice hockey? (Last Angry Fan)

There is a God! FOX news won’t be moving to Canada, so that means we won’t have more right wing rednecks on our TV screens or radiowaves! (Huffington Post)

Time for some wrestling throwback. Now that Wrestlemania has become a big wondrous event, let’s take a look back at the first ever Wrestlemania and how it turned from a small event into a pop culture staple for years to come. (Camel Clutch Blog)

So you got a comparison between Charlie Sheen and Ron Burgundy last night. Now it’s time to compare Sheen’s crazy outbursts to someone else that’s known to be somewhat of a nutbag. Time to face off Sheen’s quotable moments with those from The Ultimate Warrior. Now the question is, can you differentiate who said what? (Aggrogate)

While we’re on the topic of Charlie Sheen’s quotes, imagine how it would all look like as New Yorker cartoons. (Buzzfeed)

With 2012 just around the corner, the world is about to end and we’re all going to be fending for ourselves. Out of every essential item we can think of, it all comes down to whoever has the biggest gun will survive. Now let’s take some inspiration from video games and see which top 10 faux weapon will help ensure your survival. (The Bachelor Guy)

The Top Gear cast sans Richard Hammond is now in Australia doing their Top Gear Live shows! I think Steve wishes that he’s in Brisbane right now. Anyway, watch Clarkson experience some powerrrrrrr as he gets a taste of a V8 supercar. (Speedcafe)

Over at Northwestern University, a professor landed himself in hot water for doing an optional, after class special on sex toys. Sadly this has never happened in a UWO human sexuality class. (The Toronto Star)

Hollywood, please stop lying to us! We know that ‘found-footage films’ aren’t real. (io9)

I personally don’t tune into Ten News regularly over here, since I actually prefer other channels, but this may have changed my mind. It first popped up last month but the video has definitely gone viral since then. I still can’t entirely make up my mind about the comment that was made though. I’m unsure whether it was a backhanded jab or perhaps a rather low-ball compliment. Take a look and see for yourself.

Awesome water trick. This may be real or entirely fake. Looks like a job for Mythbusters!

There was a time back in 1994 when the CFL made an attempt to become more profitable by expanding to the States. Sure it might have worked, but perhaps it wasn’t such a great idea to hire a lounge singer from Las Vegas to sing the Canadian national anthem when he’s never heard it before. Take a listen at this hilarious rendition… funny enough, it’s actually not terrible.

Because she’s doing her country proud and accompanying Sgt. Scott Moore to the Marine Ball, here’s Mila Kunis.

It was the end of an era two weeks ago as Friday Night Lights aired its series finale. It was easily the greatest sports show ever made. (New York Post)

It’s only appropriate that on the week of baseball’s All-Star Game, this gem of a story is re-unearthed. It’s the story of Dock Ellis pitching a no-hitter on LSD. (Deadspin)

To see if it was possible, Deadspin Editor-In-Chief AJ Daulerio tried to recreate the feat using MLB 2K11 on the XBox 360. His effort was filmed and posted for posterity. (Deadspin on Acid)

After the jump, Joe Buck is willing to shut up for us, the best of Top Gear and the return of DJ Steve Porter.

Good news, baseball fans: Joe Buck is willing to step aside to let Vin Scully call the World Series. Bad news: Fox is only willing to let Vin do a couple of innings. (Big League Stew)

On the heels of Derek Jeter getting his 3000th hit, Jonah Kerri examines the meaning behind round number milestones and if too much emphasis is put on those milestones in judging a career. (Grantland)

Let’s try to sneak some hockey in here while we’re at it. Here’s a breakdown of the top free agent signings of 2011 in classic DGB style. (Down Goes Brown)

Kentucky Speedway hosted its first NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race last weekend. To say that the logistics were an unmitigated disaster would be an understatement. (The Big Lead)

You know a boxing decision is bad when the TV crew is saying that the winner shouldn’t have won right in front of him. The HBO crew was less than impressed with the decision victory by Paul Williams over Erislandy Lara. (Sports Grid)

Here are some quotes from Top Gear producer Andy Wilman about what goes on behind the scenes of the world’s most popular motoring show. And I’m borrowing the term “fuckwits” for daily use now. (Daily Telegraph)

Who’s the biggest star in the world right now? It might just be Dr. Ken Jeong. (Hollywood Reporter)

Good news: Rebecca Black’s new single is dropping next week. No, wait… (Uproxx)

Here’s a look at the most memorable F-word moments in the history of TV. Naturally, this would be a list close to my fucking heart. (Warming Glow)

The biggest trend in video games may not be endless sequels. It might be the gratuitous use of first-person points-of-view in gaming. (Kotaku)

Here’s the day’s first list. It’s the top ten Top Gear episodes to get someone hooked on the show. (Jalopnik) I fully recommend USA Trip 1 and Reliant Robin Space Shuttle for this one. The fact that Series 9 was my first season might be most of the reason. Full disclosure: My first Top Gear episode was S07E06.

Just for fun, here’s Empire Strikes Back as a silent film.

DJ Steve Porter is back with his latest sports autotune remix. This one is all about LeBron James and the Miami Heat.

It’s the big day! WrestleMania: Play Button (because numbers make WrestleMania sound old) is today in Santa Clara with the pre-show starting at 5:00 PM EDT, matches starting at a rumoured 6:00 PM EDT and the show proper starting at 7:00 PM EDT. That’s some five hours of wrestling. Holy crap, that’s way too much.

Anyway, it’s time for the links. Since WrestleMania is today, I think it’s appropriate to lead this one off (or maybe we should say start the card) with Paige.

The Harper Government tried promoting Canadian energy in the US. It cost them $24 million in advertising. (CBC News)

The state of Indiana has passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Basically, it allows people to use freedom of religion as a defense in legal matters. Yes, this includes invoking your religion to discriminate against people you don’t like. (BuzzFeed)

You’ve heard of Alcoholics Anonymous but you haven’t heard the scientific criticisms. Many doctors question the efficacy of the faith-based program. (The Atlantic)

With Jeremy Clarkson getting the boot, James May strongly hinting that he’s following Clarkson where he goes and Richard Hammond keeping quiet until the next offers start rolling in, it appears Top Gear is dead. Here’s a look at Clarkson’s time at the head of the world’s most popular motoring show and how he turned it into the worldwide phenomenon that we know and love. (Radio Times)

But Top Gear was about more than cars. That’s why we all loved the show. (Jalopnik)

Given how unpopular massive and expensive sporting events are becoming, the folks behind the Boston 2024 Olympic bid are planning a referendum to see if people actually want to host the Olympics. (New York Times)

Here’s a look at the history of EA Sports’ NHL game franchise which owes its existence, in part, to John Madden Football. (Read Only Memory)

Ever wonder how a WWE contract works? Forbes broke down how so you don’t have to give Meltzer $10 per month for the answer. Though, if you’re a wrestling fan, you should be giving Dave your money over Vince. (Forbes)

Well, I figured out why we’re getting a bunch of NewsRadio articles and it took this one Jackie sent to me to figure it out. This month is the 20th anniversary of one of the greatest sitcoms of all-time. In all seriousness, you wouldn’t be reading this if I never watched that show and wanted to be Bill McNeal. (Vox)

Today in WrestleMania videos, here’s a look at why wrestling fans hate wrestling.

And some WWE wrestlers went on a promotional tour that included… a visit to Smosh Games? I knew I needed my own Let’s Play channel on YouTube.

Keep your eyes open and don’t believe anything that happens today. It’s April Fools’ Day which means that you’re likely to see or be victim to a prank or bad joke or two. I’m working on something but I’m not holding out hope that it’ll go well. Call me a terrible person but I’m hoping that a coworker’s attempted prank doesn’t go well today if only because it’s terribly unoriginal and generic.

Anyway, today is Wednesday which means that it’s time for the links. Here’s Christina Hendricks.

Despite what Republicans in the Senate may want, two-thirds of Americans support the nuclear deal with Iran. (Washington Post)

You’ve probably never heard of feticide but it’s a relatively new law that reproductive rights activists are up in arms about. You would be too if you knew a woman in Indiana was sentenced to 20 years in prison for having a miscarriage. (NBC News)

There’s a time and place for certain things. Outside a building explosion is not the time or place for taking selfies. (New York Post)

In news that probably only interests a small few readers, scientists are rethinking what they know about neurons. (Quanta Magazine)

Why do you care if someone watches wrestling? (Black Sports Online)

Fake or not, the main event of WrestleMania was covered on ESPN’s SportsCenter as if it was proper news. (Awful Announcing)

While I keep mentioning WrestleMania proper, it’s a whole weekend of wrestling action. That includes the Hall of Fame. Headlining this year’s Hall of Fame class was “Macho Man” Randy Savage. (Extra Mustard)

It’s time for more NewsRadio. This time, it’s an oral history. (Uproxx)

Not only is Clarkson out by Hammond and May have let their BBC contracts expire without a renewal. (MotorTorque)

Meanwhile, the BBC and Clarkson have made some amends. Rather than take massive losses on their Top Gear Live shows by cancelling them, the BBC has pulled Top Gear branding but allowing the shows to continue as Clarkson, Hammond and May Live. (BBC News)

In a show of many highlights, one of the best WrestleMania moments was Brock Lesnar’s “suplex city, bitch.”

While some people are happy to see Jeremy Clarkson go, Toyota UK put together a highlight reel of all of Clarkson and Toyota’s best moments on the show.

We’re just a few short days from the end of Top Gear. Or perhaps, as Jeremy Clarkson might say through a megaphone, it is not the end. It is not the beginning. It is not the beginning of the end. This is just perhaps the end of the beginning.

On Sunday, Top Gear, in its current form, comes to an end as the BBC burns off the final footage of the Clarkson/Hammond/May era of Top Gear. While Clarkson says that the trio are weeks away from announcing their new gig, there is still one final Top Gear for us to watch.

To look back on the last 21 seasons and 13 years of Top Gear, we have a handy infographic looking back on the best destruction of Top Gear.

Infographic by Defensive Driving. Click to embiggen.